“I’m fat and lazy.”

That was my appeal for help to Scott on Monday. I’ve been so busy with various work projects that I haven’t had time to work out. Which I realize is absolutely an excuse. No matter how busy I am, I can and should make time for 30-60 minutes for my health. It needs to be a priority. But the past week or so, it hasn’t been. In fact, I only ran one time last week, for 5 miles.

And the irony of the whole thing is a workout can be a great way to recharge on the work front, too. I often get some of my favorite ideas while brainstorming during a run.

But alas, I hadn’t done it. And Scott gets it. Not because he ever even goes a day without working out (he literally exercises more than anyone I know) but he knew exactly what I was saying to him with that text.

Less than 24 hours later, we were at Six Mile Creek enjoying each other’s company during a 5-mile run. In fact, I almost punked out at 4 miles but he went ahead, which motivated me to chase after him in the dark to let him know I’d decided to go for one more mile, after all.

That’s when you know someone really gets you. When I need to run and he simply tells me where and when he’ll be joining me. When I want to run less and he sticks to our original goal, which is absolutely the best way to motivate me.

And today? I feel skinny and strong. I’m not fat and lazy; I’m a runner. No, one run didn’t create that. But one run after a string of off days? Sometimes that’s all it takes.

A photo of me and Joe. Can you see us?

So, I blogged recently about running a race in Atlanta and how much fun and motivating that was. What I didn’t really tell you was that it was such a fun weekend that I had a hard time choosing which parts to share with you.

The background: It really wasn’t my trip to plan. Scott and Jeff were the ones taking the trip, I was just lucky enough to be able to tag along. Add that to the fact that the trip was planned just a few weeks before I fainted, and I had so much on my plate that planning a trip to run a 10K that I wasn’t even sure if I’d be able to run was a completely overwhelming concept.

Not to mention that I have several friends in Atlanta, but none of them really know each other … so there were about 3 local groups of my friends that needed to be coordinated, plus the group that was traveling to there, which is technically two groups because we were coming from Charlotte and Glenda was coming from Birmingham. Overwhelming, indeed. So, I decided to leave all the planning to those who were supposed to be planning the trip, and I instead focused on my recovery and catching up on work and various other things that were going on in life (not to mention the super whammy of my grandmother Mia passing away, which has completely taken the wind from beneath my sails.)

I told the three local groups of friends the dates that I would be there, and nothing more. In fact, I was so intent on not planning the trip that I wondered at several bends if people thought I wasn’t interested in going or didn’t want to meet up. Not true at all, I was just overwhelmed. So, I’ll admit I was slightly stressed about the whole thing.

But, the second I got into the car on Friday … which was a task in and of itself, dealing with Mia’s death and family in town and of course I didn’t do any work for about a week and so I was behind and suddenly it was time to leave. Talk about overwhelming … but, as I was saying, the second I got into the car on Friday, everything was better. I was not only going to Atlanta, but from there I would be flying to Phoenix, and from there going to Vegas, and from there going to Chicago. And I was packed and ready for six weeks away from home.

And suddenly, I was realizing that this Atlanta trip couldn’t come at a better time. With everything that had happened with Mia, I had been mourning for two weeks. And the family that lived out of town had returned home. And I’d been left with quite an emptiness. I kept reaching for the phone to call her, and then it would hit me all over again. So completely changing up the scene was just what the doctor ordered.

I won’t repeat what I’ve already written about the weekend; you can read that here. And I won’t go into every detail about what we did because you’d be bored unless you were there (and if you were there, you know about it already.) What I will say is that one group of friends (which is actually only one friend, Dan) ended up sick and unable to attend the race or anything else we had going on. Poor guy! The other four groups coordinated beautifully. There was Glenda, who arrived from Birmingham about an hour after our group (Scott H., Jeff, Allen and me) arrived from Charlotte.

Scott F. met us when he got off of work at the same bar that Glenda met us at. Joe and Shawn and Jessica took us to a wonderful breakfast and pointed us and Scott F. in the right direction for dinner the first night (literally the best burger 6 people have ever had. How many times to you go to a restaurant and have 6 people agree it’s the best ever?), and Joe and Andrea and Katie and Scott F. came over for dinner the second night.

Joe took us on a grand tour of the city including what’s probably the most memorable and awesome coffee shop I’ve ever been to. I’ve been craving their coffee ever since … I’ve spent a little time in Atlanta, but not a lot. And the time I did spend made me only want to spend more there.

I’m not gonna lie. I thought about Mia a lot. Mostly random thoughts that included wanting to tell her about what we were doing or show her a photo or … Glenda and I had some good heart-to-hearts, and her story of losing her grandmother was very similar to my story. It helped to be able to talk about it. Joe and I joke that we are twins because when Heather introduced us she told us we were just alike, but I’m not even sure she realized how right she was! The more time I spend with him the closer and closer I feel to him and I didn’t even know that was possible.

I’m sitting in Vegas writing this blog, and I was in Atlanta two weeks ago. I can’t help but think about how wonderful that weekend was, though, and that first blog I wrote about it just didn’t seem to give it justice. Next year, to my five groups of Atlanta friends, and anyone else? Who’s in? P.S. I still refuse to plan anything, but now I know it can be awesome even with everyone else doing the planning!

Jeff hangs out at Criminal Records, one of his favorite Atlanta stops.

The back of Junkman's Daughter in Little Five. Junkman's Daughter = even better than the one in Athens!

Octane Coffee Shop. I will never again come to Atlanta without coming here.

A movie set in Decatur, about a block from where we were staying. The movie will feature Billy Bob Thornton and Brad Pitt. The sign proclaimed "See Jayne Mansfield's death car!" We didn't know it was for a movie at first. Was totally weird ...

Jeff and Scott H in Decatur. The trip planners!

Me and Glenda in Decatur. We should all meet in Atlanta more often!

Scott F and me in Decatur. He just moved to Atlanta a few months ago from Charlotte, so Joe's expertise in the city benefitted Scott F. too!

I’ve run a million races by now, and there was nothing to indicate that a short 10K would be too much of a challenge for me. So when Jeff and Scott made a bet  that ended with me getting a free race entry into the a 10K on the Fourth of July, I was excited.

[Aside: The bet was UGA vs. UCF. If UGA won, Jeff was to treat Scott to a weekend in Orlando and drinking around the world at EPCOT. If UCF won, Scott was to treat us to a weekend in Atlanta with me getting race entry into Peachtree 10K.]

But, between race entry and race, something happened. I fainted. Landed on my face in a parking lot. Spent 3 days in the hospital. Spent a month or so recovering. Have barely been running since.

So, fastforward to race weekend, and I was in a completely different place on July 1 than I was during football season.  But, the tickets had been purchased and my spot was reserved at the starting line of the nation’s biggest 10K. And yes, I could have transferred my bib or delayed entry to next year.

… But, I couldn’t imagine not running a race I was signed up for. Even if it was a race I felt unprepared for.

That, and a weekend in Atlanta with friends sounded like the best of fun. I wasn’t about to go and not run. Plus, it was only 6.2 miles, I rationalized. Even if I wasn’t ready, I could walk it – even the entire way if I had to.

Running with Colleen had me somewhat prepared, for a couple of miles at least. She’s been training for a 5K and I’ve been doing some of her run/walk program with her. With her help, I was easing back in to the running world.

So, there we were on Friday, heading down to ATL. In the car was Jeff, the official winner of the bet, Scott, the official loser of the bet but a serious runner – he was hoping to run the 10K in less than 50 minutes – and Allen, the superfast runner of the group – his 10K PR is 38 minutes. Uhm, wow.

I won’t bore you with all the weekend’s wonderful details (you sorta had to be there to really appreciate it), but I’ll tell you the highlights:

We met Glenda in Atlanta; she drove from Birmingham. Scott F. met up with us shortly thereafter and was able to hang out lots during the weekend, despite his crazy work schedule. Joe and Andrea and Shawn and Jessica and Katie were also able to spend some time with us. So the weekend was not all about running, in fact it was mostly about good times with good people (even though Glenda and I did squeeze in a 3 mile run on Saturday, which left me with the knowledge of how utterly unprepared I was.)

But, as we all sat around the table on Sunday night, enjoying a pre-race pasta meal, I noticed something was missing.

That something was nerves. That typical night-before-the-action feeling. The feeling I absolutely hate. I’ve always felt that the absolute worst part about racing is the night before, and the feeling at the start line. Once I get past the start line, it’s usually very fun. But the night before kills me every time – well, every time but this one.

I silently tried to analyze what was going on. I’ve never been competitive in these races – to me, it’s not about the race itself, but the fitness that preparing for the race (and the race of course) provides. I don’t care if I am first in my age group (never happens) or last (that doesn’t happen either, truthfully.)

In every race, I’ve always said it’s about the experience. And not being prepared for this race, I kept reminding myself  it was about the experience. By my own words, it should be the same as any other race. But somehow, it wasn’t.

As the flurry of activity happened around that dining table, I felt that for the first time on a race weekend, I wasn’t waiting for the race. I was enjoying the now. I was looking forward to the race – of course – but it was in a different way. Not in a nervous, “can I do this” way – but I was truly excited for the experience. Scott had told me about the crowd support, about the free stuff vendors give out along the way, about the bands playing along the way. And that night, instead of pining away the hours until it’s time to go to a restless sleep like I usually do before race day, I was experiencing the moment of a dinner with friends with joy and relaxation, even.

And that night as I went to bed at 8:30, I was actually able to sleep. That is, for an hour or so until the homeowners came home from the airport early, excited about their Paris trip (they are friends of Glenda’s who very kindly lent us their house for the weekend), and talking just outside my bedroom door. And then I was wide awake, and stayed that way until 2:30 a.m. But the weird thing is, I didn’t stress about the fact that I wasn’t sleeping. I just accepted it.

The morning of the race, I could feel Scott and Allen’s intensity as they prepared for their big runs. But I didn’t feel that way, even on the Marta system riding to the race, even as the train cars filled with runners and their nerves. At one point after arriving near the start line, I got a quick twinge of jitters, which I confessed to Glenda. “Don’t feel nervous,” she said calmly. “No reason to.”

And that, my friends, was logic enough for me. The jitters were gone and did not reappear, even as I faced the start line with others in my corral.

And as I started that race, I realized I’d achieved the one thing I’d always wanted: Enjoying the race for the simple enjoyment of it all. And I’d done it for a race that I was absolutely unprepared for!

So, I enjoyed it. I truly did. I ran the first 3 miles without stopping, unless you count when I stopped in front of the Moe’s truck in hopes of getting a T-shirt they were throwing out (they ran out throwing them to the girl next to me). I wore a red tutu and red white and blue stripes in my hair, and I made sure to run next to the crowd, because it was way more fun near them. I made sure to say thank you to everyone I heard yell, “Go tutu!” I gave high 5s with children (and adults) along the way.

I collected a free beer (took one sip just to say I did), a beer koozie, a margarita (skinny margarita promotion; I got it on a walk break around mile 4; I did drink several sips of that), a fan, a jello shot (I stored it in my sports bra until after the race, then took it at the finish line. Yes, it was hot and melty. But it was awesome.), and I got leid.

But better than that: I had fun every single moment. Reminded me of the first marathon I ran, where I had fun every single moment then too (but of course, the nerves were way huge then).

I’m not saying I advocate not being prepared for the race (my feet are very angry with me today), but I’m hoping that the calm I was finally able to achieve is something I’ll be able to carry with me into the next races

So, thank you Colleen, for getting me to run at all the past few months. Thank you Scott, for the awesome weekend and the race that I would do again, anytime. Thank you Jeff, for winning a bet. And thank you Glenda, for not being nervous at the start line and putting it so simply. And thank you Allen, for running the race in 43 minutes – because I can’t brag about my time, but I can certainly brag about yours.

What was my time, you ask? 1 hour 9 minutes. A whole 1 minute slower than my slowest 10K prior. A whole 8 minutes slower than my PR 10K time. Was beer, jello shot, margarita, koozie, fan, lei and a newfound confidence worth 8 minutes? Absolutely.

So, expect more posts from me. But be patient for just a little while longer – they may be shorter than usual. Just know that I’m constantly thinking of things I want to share with you – it’s just a little bit harder these days to get them all written down!

Also, for the record, this friend (ok, it was Joe) inspired me to order a print copy of my second novel. What this means is that I’m finally going to work on getting it to a place in which I am happy with it – enough to share with you. So thanks Joe.

But, until then, today I’ll bring you a couple of recent photos of two of my favorite people. And they just happen to share the same name. And one thing they have in common is neither of them read this blog.

Shown above is my 94-year-old grandmother, Mia. I took her to the mall a couple of weeks ago and when we saw a butler statue outside Belk advertising Dilworth Coffee, we decided Mia just had to go pose with him. I erased his chalkboard and wrote a message to Mia and put it on a greeting card for her yesterday. She doesn’t touch computers, so she’ll see this in a few days when she checks her mail. When I told friends I took her to the mall, they were happily surprised to hear a 94-year-old could even still enjoy going to the mall. Absolutely she does! She gets tired more easily than she used to, but interestingly enough, I did too that day – was still getting back on my feet from the fainting incident, and walking around a mall all day when you’re not used to it sure can be tiring.

After our visit, we returned to her house where she proceeded to crash out in her recliner and I crashed out next to her on her couch. My dad came out to grab coffee at one point and said we were both just wiped out. It was such a fun day overall though!

—

The second Mia I bring you is exactly 90 years younger than the first Mia. Here’s a picture of us that Glenda took on Memorial Day weekend:

As the picture was being snapped, Scott pointed out that we both have “the head tilt” in photos – I do it all the time. It wasn’t till I saw this photo that I realized Mia was doing it too. You may not be able to tell, but we are wearing the exact same style of dress, with complimentary colors.

Amazingly, at 4 years old, Mia seems so adult to me sometimes. She’s so insightful and smart. And she wants a belly button ring and a nose ring like me when she grows up. I couldn’t be a prouder aunt! I have sticker earrings that I bought for Mia and Sadie and Chloe to play with when they come over, and Mia and Sadie both stick them on their nose when they’re here. Sorry, Kevin and Jenn!

Speaking of Scott, while we were all hanging out at Great Mia’s house for Memorial Day, he posted this to Facebook:

“I  just saw two ladies separated by 90 years walk down to the lake and back to pick flowers. Simple things.”

My thoughts exactly, Scott.

And by that I mean I’ve been wanting to get a pair of Vibram Five Finger shoes forever. But I didn’t love the idea of only being able to run short distances to break them in.

However, with my recent injuries and the fact that I spent lots of time recovering off my feet, I am in need of taking it slowly anyway.

Add to that the fact that I went from 50-degree highs to 100-degree highs in Phoenix, and on top of that I haven’t even been on my feet in 50-degree highs, and it’s definitely smart to take it slowly.

A couple of days before I left for Phoenix, Jeff and I hit REI so I could get fitted for my new pair. Meghan and Scott had sealed my desire for them a few days before with their glowing reviews. And there was about $330 in dividends at REI just waiting for me to spend.

I went with the running version (they offer lots of types: fitness, multisport, running, minimalist running, and hiking.) The running version allows me to do trail runs with them as well as road runs. It doesn’t let me do day hikes with them, but I figure if I wear them out as quickly as I do running shoes, and if I love them, it might be ok to invest in multiple pairs or to go with a more multi-sport at a later time.

The unfortunate thing is I’m not quite up to running yet. But Anil and I started with a 1.5 mile walk on Sunday. Lemme just say I was so glad I was not walking alone. There were a few times that I felt as if walking was a really bad idea. The sun was coming up (it was around 10:30 a.m., which in Phoenix in April means hot). I had my Mederma on my scars and I was wearing a running hat to give my face extra protection, but my “new” skin is sensitive — I’ve noticed that things like onions, or cigar smoke, or hair dye just make my face burn something fierce — and I was worried being out in the sun. I was also winded and breathless, very unusual for me.

But the shoes were great. They felt a tad odd at the end of that 1.5-mile walk but no pain or anything else.

Monday we went for another walk, but we were smart enough to wait until later in the day, around 6 or 7p. The weather was absolutely perfect. In fact, every night that I’ve been here, I walk outside, expecting it to be chilly since that’s what I’m used to in Charlotte, and I feel like it’s a perfect summer night at a Carolina beach – warm with a nice breeze. Where’s the ocean?

This walk was 1.8 miles, and at the end I was filled with an overwhelming desire to run. I felt so great! Energy was good, the shoes felt good, everything was perfect. I held off from running, not wanting to overdo it. But even back at Anil’s I left the shoes on while walking around the house. I kept telling him they feel like slippers or socks even. They are so comfortable I don’t instantly want to take them off like I do all other shoes.

Last night’s walk was 1.9 miles, and was a repeat of Monday. Perfect weather, I felt good, everything was great. I even trotted across the street in an almost-jog since the light was going to turn soon.

A side note – aside from the walks, I’ve been spending a lot more time upright than I was. And I can tell it takes its toll – I’ve felt wiped out almost every day this week. I keep forgetting my energy isn’t 100%. The hard part is feeling great, and then doing something, and then feeling wiped out.

But, it’s the perfect time to break in those “weird” shoes everyone swears by. So far I love the Vibrams, and I can’t wait to try running in them. And so far I am just so happy to be mobile, even if it’s just a little bit.

I get to hold Caleb for the first time.

So, my meeting with Caleb didn’t go as I had planned it to.

In fact, I had been scheduled to be at my sister’s on March 1. Which meant I would have been there when Caleb arrived on March 3. But my little stint in the hospital changed those plans. And as I spent time recovering, Jenny welcomed her beautiful 9.5 pound baby into this world – and I wasn’t there. That was the most difficult thing I missed.

But, my Dad always knows how to make it better. He offered to take me down there this past weekend so that I could visit with Caleb and Cai and Jenny (my brother-in-law Chuck was working). And, it might have been weeks after I’d planned it, but that didn’t make it any less wonderful.

Caleb is so big! Turns out Chuck and all his siblings were more than 10 pounds, so I guess Jenny could count herself lucky (for the record, she had a C-section).

He’s the sweetest little baby. He is so peaceful and calm – so long as someone is holding him. He does not like to sleep alone! I certainly didn’t mind doing my part to hold him, thats for sure.

Of course, I got to spend time with Cai, too, who is 20 months old. He is absolutely adorable. Here he is with Caleb:

Cai holds Caleb

Unfortunately Cai got a fever about halfway through our visit and was inconsolable. I felt so badly for him! Have not seen a child in that much pain in a while. My aunt Josie was there and thinks it could be an ear infection. Jenny finally calmed him and he slept in her arms. When Caleb woke up needing to eat, Jenny carefully passed Cai to me. His eyes fluttered awake and he started crying as he saw Jenny pulling back, but then he looked at me and seemed to be content. He fell back asleep and won my heart as he lay in my arms, burning up and clutching his ears and his head in his sleep.

I was pretty worn out myself – it was the most activity I’d done since I’d been injured. I drived off to sleep on the couch, Cai in my arms. Jenny drifted off too, with Caleb. Dad was on the other couch and commented later that all was right in his world – his two daughters, both of us recovering (me from my fainting injuries and her from her C-section), both of us sleeping peacefully with two of his grandchildren in our arms.

It was just about the perfect day ever.

–

The day was perfect, but the evening was too. I had to cancel my birthday backpacking trip on account of my injuries. I told the others to go without me – we’d been planning this for a couple of months. But they chose instead to come over for a low-key cookout to celebrate. Jim, Jason, Jeff, Scott, my Dad, Meghan and Colleen enjoyed Jeff’s homemade chili, hot dogs and beer, and my very first ice-cream cake birthday cake! I don’t know why, but I’ve always wanted one and it was soooo yummy.

Dad was correct – all is right in the world.

= My brother had back surgery. You can read the details on his blog, and he actually had it before my accident. He’s been a real trouper. His back hurts a lot, and he in uncomfortable whether he’s sitting, standing, walking. But he’s strong and he’s been so awesome to me despite his own pain. Neither of us can wait until we are well enough to go running together again! I miss it so much.

Born at 9:06 p.m. March 3, 9.5 pounds, 22.25 inches long

= My sister had a baby.

MY SISTER HAD A BABY!

And sadly, I have not met sweet Caleb yet. I fainted/fell on Friday, and I had plans to be there by Tuesday (which didn’t happen of course) and she had the baby on Thursday. I would have been there. I would have been there had I not fallen on my stupid face. I cannot tell you how upset I am that I missed that moment. And wonderful Jenny was calling me in the hospital worried about me when she was just days from giving birth. I told her she was the one that was supposed to be in the hospital, not me!

= My grandmother Mia spent a night in the hospital. She is at home now and is ok, but it’s scary anytime a 94-year-old has to go to the hospital. She had gall stone issues and they are fixed with a pill (thank God, no surgery.)

= Put all these together, and my poor parents are all hospital-ed out. They have spent more time in the hospitals because of their three kids and Mia in the past couple of months than I could even imagine. They have been such wonderful caregivers, too, and Mom herself has been dealing with some pain in her legs that the doctors are running all kinds of tests on. Stay healthy, Dad!

= Amy has started making the move to adopt a baby. That is huge news for my best friend from childhood! She is documenting it on her blog. I’m lucky enough to get her blogs emailed to me and I’ve managed to read them all, even on bad days. I gotta keep up with her big news somehow!

So, I think you’re all caught up now. What news of yours have I missed while I’ve been down and out? I know Heather is planning a wedding. I know Whitney is having troubles with her running due to injury. I know Scott ran a marathon. All of this is unfortunately such a blur and I am dying to know all the details! Please please please, catch me up on your life – what have I missed over the past few weeks?

So, the interesting part about me being down and out and others stepping in to help is how much others are doing for me. I’m used to being the hostess in my own home, so it’s definitely a change having others help me. I almost feel guilty letting them cook for me, clean for me, etc. But I know that I don’t have the energy to do it myself and I’m so grateful for the assistance.

So, onto the funny story I have to tell you:

So, yesterday there was an unnamed friend over here. I won’t name this person because it’s not their fault this happened so I don’t want him/her to feel bad. And it turned out to be pretty hilarious at the end!

Shortly before the friend left, this person went into the garage to throw away a cigarette butt. So this friend was the last person to shut the door, and I guess he/she didn’t shut it all the way. I was in and out of sleep during this time so I had no idea any of that had happened.

The evening went on, and it was a pretty noneventful evening. Since my injury I’ve been sleeping on the couch, for a few reasons – 1. I wake up about every 3 hours in pain so I would be keeping Jeff awake with my whining. 2. Jeff snores and would keep me awake even more than I’m keeping myself awake.

Jeff and I have come up with a system, though – when he goes to bed he takes his phone with him. That way if I need him during the night I can call him and he’ll be right down. This has happened a few times, ok several times, since I’ve been injured. I have called him in pain. I have called him to tell him I think my cheeks are puffy (I thought my face injury was getting worse but I think it was actually a side effect to one of my medicines.) I have called him confused about what happened and where I am and why my face hurts (the drugs make me woozy!)

But, last night I was sleeping away. I actually only woke up once or twice during the night which is better than the average these days. I was having the weirdest bad dream – I must’ve watched too much Law and Order SVU before bed. I was dreaming that Carissa was missing and I was assisting the detectives in looking for her. And as I was looking for Carissa, I got a call that Jenny was also missing. And I was seriously freaked out – it was a pretty realistic seeming dream.

So, imagine the state of mind I was in at 5:30 a.m. when I was woken up to the sound of the back door opening.

I was instantly wide awake, but I was literally frozen in fear. I didn’t want to make any sudden moves as I didn’t want the intruder to know I was awake – or maybe he didn’t even know I was on the couch. I probably lay there silent, frozen, for a good minute or two before I made a move. I was hoping the door opening was part of my dream, but I was too scared to get up and check.

(I should mention that I’ve been having super vivid dreams. I will wake up, just having dreamed that the doorbell rang, and having no idea if it actually rang or if it was in my dream. I’ll dream the phone is ringing when it isn’t. I am not sure what’s reality and what’s not these days!)

I very quietly reached for my phone. Hid the phone under the blanket so the intruder wouldn’t see it light up. I called Jeff.

It was the perfect setup for a thriller movie – his phone rang, and it was on the coffee table right next to me. He hadn’t taken it with him upstairs. Panic. Panic. Panic.

Fight or flight kicked in. I gathered what courage I could, and then I jumped off the couch and ran up the stairs as if something was chasing me (for all I knew there was). Keep in mind I was drugged up, and I haven’t been super mobile, and I was half asleep. Oh, and I’m clumsy even when none of those things are true. A perfect storm. As I ran, I was wobbly and I crashed my already broken body into the side of the stairs and hurt my side and my finger, and my fingernail partially ripped off. I also must have either stretched out my bottom lip (which still has some pretty deep cuts on it) or bit it because it feels like I re-opened the wound and it hurts like hell today. I feel like I just lost a week or two of healing in that area.

I made it to the bedroom before any intruder, and I woke Jeff up in a panic. He went downstairs to check while I lay in bed, in a panic and in pain.

He came back up and confirmed I hadn’t dreamed it – the door actually was wide open. He then told me that our friend had been the last person in and had likely just not shut the door properly. And Jeff himself had left the garage door open, which allowed wind to get in the garage, which allowed the lovely back door to swing wide open.

So, I had woken up and taken my first major activity in three weeks – running at full speed up the stairs – all to run away from the big bad scary wind!

My lip and hip and finger are not thanking me this morning, but my fight-or-flight mentality is. At least I can run faster than the, uhm, air!

On the health front:

- Every day is different. Some days are better than others. The pain moves and changes. Overall, improvement. But frustration when I find a new spot that hurts. Or a spot I thought was better is hurting again.

- I started having some pretty icky side effects to some of the medicines I am taking. I have 5 prescription medicines and 4 OTC medicines the doctors recommended. I feel like all I do all day is take pills. The side effects got so bad that I almost called 911 last week. Jeff was out of town and Anil was arriving in a few hours, so I was home alone (a rarity these days.) I was scared if I didn’t call 911 Anil would be finding a dead body, that’s how bad it hurt. But I hung in there until I was able to call my doctor and get some advice, and although I’m still having side effects, I’m no longer wondering if it could kill me (I’m not even joking here; I really wondered if I was in danger.)

- On the teeth front: I saw my father-in-law (he’s a dentist) this week and he x-rayed my mouth to see what was going on. In a nutshell – my top teeth have some pretty decent trauma to them, but so far there is no damage to the root. One of my top teeth is also becoming discolored (indicating bleeding in the pulp, whatever that means.) So we’re in a wait-and-see pattern. He said I should have pain for 4-6 weeks; that’s pretty typical. If the pain continues past then or if it gets unbearable, then I may need a root canal. So, for now I’m on more pain pills for that. (Sigh.) On the bottom teeth, get this – the impact of the fall was so hard that my teeth pulled up from the root, causing them to get taller. Let me say that one more time:  the impact of the fall was so hard that my teeth pulled up from the root, causing them to get taller. FIL says that is unlikely, but can happen. Jeff even asked if he was joking with me when I told him. Also, my bite got “off” during the fall. My top teeth and my bottom teeth don’t touch in the same place they used to. But he filed the teeth back down to a normal height, and he filed down the chip in my front teeth, and he adjusted my bite. It’s not my old mouth, but it’s better than my smashed-up mouth.  

- I still have neck pain and back pain. I wrestled with neck pain even before the fall, but the back pain is in a whole new spot on my body. Even my massage therapist noticed that it was “new.” My upper lip, where the stitches were, still hurts but less and less. I get random headaches which is odd considering how drugged up I am (don’t worry, they did CT scans and an MRI and all kinds of stuff; my head is fine.) My left knee still hurts when I put pressure on it, which makes me wonder about running, hiking, etc. But, overall, I’m getting better.

On the friends/family front:

- After I wrote to you last, my massage therapist Pippa came over last Thursday to give me a massage. Typically I go to her studio so it was so wonderful that she came to me. It was just what the doctor ordered; I was mush after. I almost fell asleep on the table!

- A couple hours later, Scott came over. He not only brought his wonderful personality, but he cooked me a “real” meal – pasta with alfredo and shrimp, and yummy oreo pudding. After consuming mostly liquids before that, it was wonderful to have a home-cooked meal! Jeff was out of town for work and Scott knew that, and he hung around for a while. We mostly watched TV and I’m pretty sure both of us fell asleep, but it was so wonderful to have the company. I already mentioned Colleen was here a couple of days before that, but it felt the same way when she was here. I am horrible company right now, falling asleep easily, but just knowing they are there makes everything better.

- A couple of hours after Scott left, I started experiencing those side effects from the medicine. It got so bad that I called Jeff to tell him I needed to call an ambulance. Anil called from the airport – he was on his way here – and I told him what was going on. Knowing he was going to be here in a few hours helped; I felt that he could help me decide what to do. I was literally torn – do I go and risk another high hospital bill for what could turn out to be nothing? Or do I not go and risk it being really bad and I really am hurt or worse? In the end, Anil arrived, I called my mom and my doctor, and it all turned out okay.

- Anil spent the weekend here, and Jeff had asked him to come that particular weekend since he was out of town. It worked out well because Jeff’s flight got canceled because of bad weather! And I was feeling really terrible – would have been really difficult to deal with it alone. Thank God Anil was here. He and I made plans with Colleen for dinner, and then I had to call and cancel because I started feeling sick.

- I thought I could handle a car ride, though, so we headed to Captain Steve’s – Anil wanted to experience a fish camp for the first time. We were in the “to go” area and I suddenly started getting deja vu from my fainting at the Diamond. The smell of fried food, the close quarters of the room and the crowd was all a bit overwhelming. When I started seeing spots I knew I was in trouble. I sat down on a bench and then Anil led me back to the car. I didn’t faint; I don’t even know if I was in danger of fainting, but I wanted to be careful.

- The next day Jeff got home and I had my biggest stint out of the house. Breakfast at Brugger’s (I had to cut my bagel into 500 pieces), then we went uptown and stopped by Colleen’s work. She was getting off in an hour and planned to meet us so we could go see a movie at the Mez. Poor Colleen – she got off, walked to the epicentre, and as soon as she got there the guys were whisking me away – they noticed I didn’t look so good, my hands were shaking, and I was crashing hard. I guess I need to take my activities in small doses. Instead everyone rallied at the house and I rested while the guys cooked on the grill and served a dinner which was delicious but I had a hard time enjoying it because of the pain. We watched a movie at the house (Red. Was awesome.)

- Sadly, Anil had to leave on Sunday. He said he’s going to try to come back in a week or two, and if he can’t make it, I had made plans prior to my fall to go to Phoenix for a while (I got a laser hair deal there). I know especially now that even if I’m not feeling 100%, he’s a great caregiver! In fact, his dad tried to get him to bring me with him – his dad wanted to take care of me. How wonderful is that??? As kind as Anil is, I’m realizing exactly who he got it from – his dad is an absolute sweetheart.

- Monday morning my dad picked me up and drove me all the way down to Florida. He only got 2 hours of sleep (I’ll explain why later). I was still feeling sick, and on top of that I had a client deadline starting. I was really concerned about my ability to a) ride in a car for 8 hours, and b) work while in the car and sick and tired and hurting. But, amazingly, it was actually a nice car ride. I got all my work done then crashed out in the back seat of Mom’s super-comfy Avalon.

- We stayed at my in-laws’ place on the Saint John’s river. I cannot even describe how peaceful that place is on a normal day, not to mention a day that I’m not feeling the greatest. On Tuesday afternoon I napped and Dad sat on the dock for two hours with a book while I slept. When I woke up I joined him and it probably turned out to be one of the best moments of my life, watching the sun set and feeling at peace with my healing and knowing what a wonderful support system I have. Earlier that day, Dad cried as he described seeing his “baby girl” in the hospital. I was full of emotion about how loved I feel from every angle – friends, family, everyone has been so kind. The breeze was perfect, my pain was minimal, and I wanted to sit there forever. I told John and Suzie (my in-laws) that their place was good for my soul.

- Speaking of, the next day was time to visit them in the dentist office. When they hugged me I didn’t want to let go. Their bedside manner is wonderful, and I feel so loved. I didn’t want to leave their office, I didn’t want to leave Florida. Despite my slow-moving and not feeling well, Dad and I had a great mini-vacation. But Dad had more people to care for (more on that in a minute) and on Wednesday it was time to leave. We made it back here, I made my client deadline (admittedly, it was nice to have the comforts of home back), and I’ve been resting and recovering from the trip since.

- Visits have been so good for me. Rebecca came over yesterday and Cara just brought me homemade soup today. I love having the company and the visit. I keep having a minor freak-out about my house being messy but I just keep telling myself people know why!

- One thing I’ve learned is that being a caregiver is a full-time job. I am fully aware of what it takes to take care of me. Jeff has barely been able to work, take care of the pets, and take care of me at the same time. He has no time to clean house, to do laundry, to breathe. I get antsy with the house being dirty but every time I get up to clean, my head starts swimming and I don’t last too long.

But, every day is just a little bit better. I actually slept through the night two nights ago for the first time since my fall! (Although I was up about every hour last night.) My time between naps is longer now than it was. I can sometimes go a while before I need a pain pill. My teeth look better and feel better. My face and knees continue to heal – and I look forward to everything being normal again.

Ok, so this update wasn’t as short as I wanted it to be, but now you’re all caught up!

So, silly me thought I’d just be at CMC Mercy for a few hours while they ran some tests. So I was certainly surprised to find I would spend 3 days there. But honestly, I was in so much pain, and they were so wonderful, that I actually wanted to be there. I knew I would be just as miserable at home with the pain, and at least at the hospital I got morphine!

Sunday I got more visitors. Scott came by and I was actually alert and awake the entire time he was there, which was a first for me. Colleen and Kevin came again, and both of my parents came by. Jeff had come back on Saturday afternoon after trying to get a few hours of sleep, and he stayed the entire rest of the time. He had to sleep in a recliner (which actually reclined almost fully; he said it was comfortable!) I told you yesterday that Amy came by on Saturday but now I’m wondering if it was Sunday – can’t remember …

Part of the reason I can’t remember when she came is because I not only had morphine in my system, but they also gave me an anti-anxiety pill to take before my MRI because I am claustrophobic. And I gotta tell you, that worked! I was so out of it that I actually fell asleep during the MRI. If you’ve ever had one, you’re probably shocked by this because it makes such loud noises that I had to wear ear plugs. But I was snoozing away; I actually had a dream that I was part of a tour for Pink Floyd. It all seemed very psychedelic. And yeah, Amy and her family came right before then so I don’t remember too much about what day it was!

Because of the fainting, and because things like needles make me feel like fainting, and because there were needles everywhere (I had 2 IVs over the 3 days, and they would draw blood every 5 hours, and I got at least one shot … it was pretty much my worst nightmare), I wasn’t really getting better.  I even got to wear this super-cool bracelet (for the record, I’m still wearing it!):

I need to get that saying on a tshirt.

I had zero privacy while I was there (and since I’ve been home, too!) I had to have someone in the bathroom with me. Even being in a wheelchair was making me feel sick, so whenever I would need to go anywhere for tests they would take me in my bed. I had to have help changing (they actually didn’t force me to wear the awful hospital gown. As soon as I realized that I ditched it for my pajamas.)

I did get a super-cool ice bag – Jeff said if he could find a stash of them he’d use them to make sandwiches to bring to work:

Biohazard: Specimin bag

So, basically what they were trying to do was figure out why I was fainting. They wanted to make sure it wasn’t something awful like a brain tumor or something. So I had every test known to man it felt like. Countless x-rays. A CT scan and an MRI to make sure my brain was ok. Sonograms of my heart and my neck (arteries.) Countless blood work. Three EKGs (hook a bunch of things up to hear my heart) and an EEG (hook a bunch of things up to hear my brain).

And what did they find? Everything was perfect. In fact, I even was lauded for my diet with my blood work – they said even my potassium was at the right levels, and no one ever gets enough potassium! I was super proud of this as I’d been really trying to balance my meals – clearly it was working!

So, every time I’ve fainted in the past I and everyone else assumed it could be “low blood sugar.” Nope. Blood sugar = fine.

So, they had one last theory. On Monday, I was not allowed to eat or drink anything all day long until this last test (which happened around 6 p.m.). They did the EEG on Monday. It was funny because I wanted to take a bath so badly and wash my hair – my hair had not been washed since Friday. They said I couldn’t because I was hooked up to a heart machine that was watching me, and I couldn’t take it off. And just as I’m thinking my hair is so gross, they did the EEG. Which means they put a bunch of nasty gunk in my hair so the electrodes or whatever they called will stick to my head.

And then afterword Colleen came by to see me on her lunch break. And she took the rinseless shampoo and washed my hair. That’s love, people. She didn’t even think twice about spending her lunch hour washing nasty gunk out of my hair.

So, back to the last test.

The only reason left to test for was vasovagal syncopy. They told me this was the very best case of fainting – it basically means fainting in response to a certain stimuli. They told me something about the way the vaso nerve (or was it vagal nerve?) doesn’t respond properly and it sends a message to my brain which causes my blood pressure to drop. And I have low blood pressure normally – which would be a good thing were it not for this vasovagal thing.

So, I did a tilt table test to see if I indeed had vasovagal syncopy. When they told me what a tilt table test was, I thought it was a joke. Basically, they strap me to a table for 20 minutes, lying down, relaxing. Then they lift me up to standing for 20 minutes on the table to see if I faint. If I don’t, they lay me back down for 20 minutes, and they give me medicine to increase my blood pressure as if I were walking. Then they stand me up with that medicine. If that doesn’t work, they lay me down and give me medicine to simulate running, then stand me up with it.

I have never ever fainted from walking or running. No way was this going to work.

But sure enough, I made it through the first 20 minutes lying down, no problem. Then 10 minutes into the standing up (no medicine!), I almost fainted. I was clutching on to the tech’s shoulder, trying to lay my head on his shoulder, begging him to let me lay down while he held a bucket under my face in case I threw up. I could not believe I almost fainted just from standing up.

(They did tell me later that active people rarely faint from the walking or running round. We’re either gonna go out the first round, or not at all.)

But it proved I had vasovagal syncopy. Which is a good thing – it is harmless, unless of course I hurt myself. Which I had just done. I guess I should count myself lucky – I faint in response to needles, blood, talk of blood, etc. But some people have it much worse than I do – some people faint from urinating! Or coughing! Or having sex! I’m sorry, but that makes me laugh.

So, Monday night I got to go home from the hospital. Recovery has been slow. I’ve had around-the-clock care – Jeff took time off of work to help me. I’m on a zillion drugs right now, and they make me woozy and dizzy. Not to mention the pain, which has just started to feel manageable in the past couple of days. I am on a drug that raises my blood pressure, and it helps my body to retain salt longer. And, get this – the doctor told me to get more salt in my diet! Who gets that kind of directive? Awesome. My primary care doctor doesn’t want me to be on that blood pressure medicine for long, though. He actually said that it could cause me to retain water weight – uh, no thank you. And, randomly, the antidepressant Paxil has been known to help keep people from fainting – it has nothing to do with being depressed, it just happens to help. So I started that the other day and I’ll continue it even after I finish the fat drug.

I even downloaded an iPhone app to help me remember to take my medicine. Otherwise I would get so confused! It’s called RxmindMe if you ever need to take a lot of medicines. It’s been a lifesaver.

My face has been healing. This is me about 4 or 5 days ago:

I got my stitches out on Monday and my last scabs came off so I do look better now, but my lips still look like Angelina’s (but not in the sexy way!) My Hitler mustache is gone, but it’s replaced with an icky scar:

Me, 5 minutes ago

I went to the dermatologist on Tuesday and she suggested I use Mederma, so I’m giving that a try to reduce scarring. She said I probably will have a small scar because of the way the cut landed on my face. But I’ll just hope for the best. Considering how awful I looked at the beginning, I’m just grateful to be as healed as I am.

I still have my teeth to fix. They are hurting really badly, and one of them is chipped. The chipped one is really, really painful and really cold sensitive. I’m going to see my favorite dentist (my father-in-law) next week, and my awesome dad is going to drive me down to Florida to see him. Hopefully after that, this nightmare will be mostly over.

And, I couldn’t have done it without all of your support. Kevin came to stay with me at home one day while Jeff was at work. Jeff took every day off of work except for the one. He had to go out of town for work – he postponed the trip by two days but eventually did have to leave. But everyone else has stepped in. 

Rebecca took me to the doctor on Tuesday. Colleen brought me medicine and a visit on Tuesday. Pippa is coming today to give me a massage. Scott is coming tonight to check in. Anil is coming tomorrow morning for the weekend. My dad is taking me to Florida early next week. Heather sent me cookies and a kick-ass Wonder Woman card. All the emails and Facebook and Twitter support, all the blog comments, everything has really lifted my spirits. Thank you so much!

And if you want to come visit me – I have cookies!