Thoughts on 2008:

- In February I decided to chop my hair off and go blonde, per my hairdresser’s suggestion. I’ve been going to Tommy for about 7 years, and this is by far my very favorite haircut I’ve ever had. I never in a million years thought I’d look good as a blonde, (my natural haircolor is red although as I’ve gotten older it’s become more like brunette, sadly) but there you have it, friends.

Susan and me on New Year's Eve 2007, before my haircut.

My hair in December 2008 with my siblings and some of my cousins at a family reunion.

- In March I started writing poetry again, first with Susan and then with Chris and later in the year with all my new buddies at poetryassignment.com. I’ve never been happier - has been about 8 years since I’ve written for fun.

- At the end of March I turned 30 and that sucked. OK, so I really don’t feel that different but I especially love being carded now. Or told I look 23. Or anything like that.

- I ran my first 10K in April. Did the Charleston Cooper River Bridge Run with my sister, Jenny. It was amazing. It took about an hour (forgot my exact time, but I was happy with it). Two weeks later I hiked Mount Mitchell with my brother, Kevin. Talk about feeling accomplished!

- Speaking of looking 23, in May some boy kissed me on the dance floor at 8es in Athens because Susan told him we were celebrating my 23rd birthday. Thanks, Susan! Seeing as how it was a college bar I’m guessing he was still too young to look for a ring. He told me later he knew I wasn’t 23 - he thought I was 25 or 26. Ok, I’ll take that.

- Ronnie moved to California in July, which drastically changed my life, too, and not for the better. I miss him every day. We celebrated with tattooes before he left.

- In July and August I visited Erin and NYC, by myself the first time and with Jeff the second time. I will live there one day.

- In November I wrote a novel. That was one of the biggest dreams of my life. It needs a lot of editing and rewriting, so I’m nowhere near finished, but I did it.

- One of my last purchases of the year was a polka-dot bikini. “She wore an itsy-bitsy, teeny weeny …”

Thoughts on 2009:

- One of the first things I did to welcome 2009 was lose a game of pool and as punishment take a shot of straight Absente (it’s Absinthe without the wormwood) with no sugar or water to cut it. I didn’t see any green fairies, but Chris, who was my pool partner and lost with me, started coughing and said his went down the wrong tube. Maybe life is all about making sure you a) know what you’re swallowing, and b) make sure it goes down the right tube.

- I spent the first day of the new year with some of the people that mean the most in the world to me: Carissa, Jeff, Wade, Chris, Amy, Kevin, Jenn, Mia and Sadie. A great reminder that friends and family are everything.

- Here’s the thing about haircuts: Even when I love my current hairstyle, I always fear if I don’t change it soon enough, I’ll get locked in forever, scared to try something new. So even though my 2008 hairstyle was my favorite ever, I decided it was time for a change. Tommy loves me as a client for this reason, and he happily gave me a new look (I’m still blonde, though!) Sometimes people ask me if my haircuts are metaphors for bigger change - I guess so in a sense. One thing I don’t want is to wake up one day and realize I’ve had the same outdated haircut for 10 years. Maybe that is also how I want to live - without getting in a 10-year rut. Or a 1-year rut.

New look, new outlook?

- For the rest of the year, I plan to keep writing, keep learning, keep loving, keep changing my hairstyle. And trying my very best not to let things go down the wrong tube.

Four places I go over and over again:

Peak Fitness
Starbucks
Harris Teeter
Borders

Four people who mail me regularly:

Chris
Michael
Amy
Colleen

Four of my favorite places to eat, (apart from home)

The Melting Pot
Harpers
Sir Edmund Halley’s
Jade

Four places I’d rather be now:

At a day spa getting pampered
New York City
Shopping
Susan’s couch having a coffee/workout day

Four favorite TV shows:

Grey’s Anatomy
The Office
How I Met Your Mother
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Four movies I could watch over and over again:

The Good Girl
Almost Famous
Mama Mia!
Elf

Seems only right to tag four people:

Elwood J. Blues
Heather
Phil
Bennett

Proof that friendships transcend even geography:

Was twittering with my friend Todd in Seattle (who goes by ElwoodJBlues online) recently, and this is how the conversation went:

Me: Elwood!!!! (hi)

Todd: Melissa! Hiii! You spiked your coffee today, didn’t you?

Me: haha no, but good idea …

Then our friend JessAnn, who lives in Pennsylvania, weighs in:

JessAnn: I thought @melissaoyler always spiked her coffee

Me: how did you know I spike my coffee? Damn, web cam failed me again!!

Todd: I take my coffee straight, no chaser. When I do add to it, it’s always Bailey’s.

JessAnn: I can’t mix my alcohol and my coffee. It’s one or the other with me.

Todd: After sending this photo: This is a good coffee/alcohol combo.

Me: open one for me?

Me: thanks. that hits the spot.

Me: After seeing this photo: Nice! Now if only you could send it …

JessAnn: I’m sure @elwoodjblues would be happy to send you the empty bottle lol

Todd: HAHA! Totally.

Me: yum!! Send it on!

And he did. All the way from Seattle. I even got to see the package en route - wrapped up, in the car, at the post office. And now - in Charlotte!

So cheers, Todd and JessAnn and all my other friends who I won’t be able to toast in person tonight. Happy New Year’s!

 

Todd's beer - at my house!

Update: Now here’s the question: What should I send Todd? It’s gotta be something good! Was going to send him an “Unbuckle the Bible Belt” sticker but I already gave my last one away … Need thoughts, friends!

So I was at my brother’s house the other day and Mia was sitting in my lap. The two-year-old has been rather curious lately, asking some very blunt questions. But hey, it’s how she learns, right?

So she turned to me, asked “Are you wearing a bra?” (I consider myself lucky after hearing the question she’d asked my sister the other day).

“Um … yes …” I replied.

She then pulled out the neckline of my shirt so she see for herself.

——-

The funny part came the next day when I told Jeff the story. “Did you ask her what the f*ck she was doing?” he said.

I looked at him, surprised, “No! She’s just a child - she’s learning!”

“Oh!” he said, “I thought you were talking about Great Mia!”

1) I live in the Bible Belt.
2) My former job (as an editor) dictated that I take special care not to offend anyone.

Taking number 2 into account, I have been surprised to hear the majority of store clerks using “Merry Christmas” as a greeting as I’ve been out and about this season.

Could this be because if number 1? I know there has in recent years been some backlash against “Happy Holidays.” Is that now politically incorrect?

I’m curious if you guys in other parts of the country are hearing as much “Merry Christmas” as I am. And around here, I’m not alone in that I’m hearing it the majority of the time, am I? In fact, I don’t think I’ve heard “Happy Holidays” even once.

Personally, for the record, I’m not offended by either phrase.

All that said, Merry Christmas eve and Happy Holidays to everyone!

2. An empty beer bottle from Elwood (will explain later, I promise.)

3. Presents! Of course.

Fun things I haven’t gotten in the mail this month:

1. A Christmas card from  my grandmother telling me she’s not buying me a present this year. (My brother and sister did get one. My brother’s said she was buying for his kids instead. My sister’s said she was giving to the needy.) Does this mean I’m getting a present? And if so, does it mean she thinks I’m needy (or a child)?

2. Phil’s book manuscript. Thought he was sending it to me - I’m on the edge of my seat!

1) I’ve been busy with a client deadline this week
2) I spent two days sleeping on the couch with a fever last week.
3) I don’t have a lot of extra spending money this year.

I just made a list of who to buy for last night, but I have no idea what to buy. I have thought of a random idea or two over the past months but for one reason or another they haven’t panned out. (My very favorite idea was a new coffeepot for Chris until he piped up and mentioned his mom was getting him one last week. Dammit!)

I am very pained about this for a reason: I pride myself on being very good at picking out gifts. Very good. I usually spend weeks or months planning these perfect gifts and then I am more excited about seeing the recipient’s face than any gift I will get myself. They are always very thoughtful - at times a little bit or a lot custom - like the book I made for my grandmother’s 90th birthday with photos from her home and quotes from all my cousins, or the custom stationary I made for people two years ago or the prints I found for Shannon’s guest room that matched her decor perfectly. But it’s hard to plan these gifts with no spending money, and it’s hard to feel creative about it with no spending money.

So I’m going out today to fight the crowds and fill some stockings. Next year, I’ll be back to my creative self - I promise.

Happy holidays!

As a result, I feel like I’m always learning. If I am quizzing you about a really delicate subject, I’ll try to keep the questions broad so you can tell me as much or as little as you deem appropriate. If we are really close and the conversation is really telling, I might start to get specific. I blame it on my journalism background - it’s in my nature to ask questions. Not my fault. Don’t blame me.

So here’s my question of the day to you:

How much do you reveal about your past sex life to your partner?

Do you keep your mouth shut until they ask, and then you tell them whatever they want to know? Do you stay discreet to protect the privacy of past partners? Do you answer questions statistically only: How many, when, and who? Or do you divulge as if you were writing a descriptive novel, telling every little detail (of course embellishing as needed to make yourself known as the very best lover in the world)? What if the question incriminates a past partner’s privacy specifically - such as “Was she as sexually adventurous if I am?” No matter the answer, you’re telling something about someone else. Does it matter?

What about friends? What do you tell them that’s different from what you tell your partner? More or less?

And are you uncomfortable when/if your partner asks you questions about your past?

Does this post make you uncomfortable?

So instead I will tell you about Shannon. I met Shannon my freshman year in college and we were instant friends. Actually, that’s not true. I met her my freshman year in college and I was so intimidated by her because she was outgoing and beautiful and stylish, and she said whatever was on her mind - loudly. I mistakenly thought her confidence meant she was an upperclassman, and I shied away from her because I figured she had better friends already established since she must’ve been at college longer than me.

I do believe it was my 21-year-old boyfriend who brought me and Shannon together. See, he could buy booze - and that was a hot commodity among college freshmen … So she asked me one day if he could buy us some beer and, I do believe the rest was history (for the record, so was the boyfriend not too long after that.)

We lived in the same building sophomore year too, then got an off-campus apartment after that with Colleen. That was the year we became sorority sisters and coworkers, so we got to see each other quite a lot! We lived apart after that, then together again after graduation and she got to put up with me when I worked a night shift and had weekdays off …

No one makes me laugh as much as Shannon. No one puts up with my day-to-day stuff like she does either - I could complain to her for an hour about a paper cut, and she listens just as sympathically as if I were telling her my deepest, darkest fears. Sometimes we go a day, or a week, or a month without talking (usually my fault), and we pick right back up where we left off. I make a mental list to tell her everything in my life because I truly can’t wait to hear her commentary on it - whether humorous, or insightful, or empathetic (and for the record, she is not nearly as intimidating as she once seemed - just fun!)

Today Shannon is in ICU at the hospital after giving birth to a beautiful baby girl named Laurel. I talked to her on Sunday night on her way to the hospital - they were to induce labor on Monday. She was thrilled about welcoming her new daughter into the world. She’d had a rough time getting here, but she had made it and she was excited about beginning her family with her husband, Mark. I’m unclear on all the details, but I know things on Monday were long - Laurel finally came via C-section at 4:56 a.m. Tuesday morning. We all celebrated - What a beautiful baby! - but then yesterday afternoon, Shannon was taken back into surgery. Today has been a flurry of friends and sorority sisters trying to find and share information on our dear Shannon, and lots and lots of prayers. I just got word she is awake and talking, which makes me feel a million times better.

Get better Shannon. Your baby needs her beautiful mother, and the rest of us need our Shannon back.