It’s been a roller coaster of a month.
In the past three weeks, I have lost one of my best friends due to an argument. Daily life feels emptier without him to talk to. I have started questioning what it means to lean on people, rely on people, and how to handle when those people let you down. Shortly after that incident, I spent time in the hospital waiting room for someone who is very close to me. I have had to say goodbye to this person for several months while he is fighting his own personal battle. Daily life feels emptier without him to talk to, too.
But as much as I’ve lost, I’ve also gained. I’ve reconnected with some old friends who I had not spoken to in some time. Stacey and I have forged a huge bond while becoming more flexible doing yoga, and if I even go a day without seeing her it feels weird anymore. Meghan started her first yoga class last week and it’s so awesome that the 3 of us are able to do this together. I have pink hair and I love it. Colleen and I are putting together a couple of backpacking trips. Spring is just around the corner.
Focus on the things you can change. Don’t focus on the things you can’t.
That’s been in my head a lot the past few weeks. I cannot control anyone’s actions but my own. People make promises and break them all the time. I tell myself it’s about them, it’s not about me. I start to think for a moment I can’t rely on anyone but myself. But then someone gives me a shoulder to lean on and I am reminded that true friendships do stand up even through misunderstandings, through broken promises, and that if someone truly cares for me they don’t set out to hurt me. And if someone intentionally hurts me then they either don’t truly care for me, or they need more help than I can provide.
This post was supposed to have a positive spin, but it’s been a rough day on many levels. I guess that’s to be expected on Friday the 13th?
Last night was another story, though. I went to a class at the yoga studio called Tiger’s Eye. It’s 3o minutes of hot yoga combined with 30 minutes of circuit training. The circuit training is all kinds of different things – from squats to abs exercises to weight lifting, pushups, etc. etc. etc. The first time I attended I had to lay down for a bit because my vasovagal syncope started in and I thought I might faint. I figured out it was from the constant up and down (laying down, then standing up, then bending down, etc. Blood rushing to my head and all that good stuff.) Stacey and I analyzed and figured out it was the same set of circuits causing this each time. I wondered if I perhaps started in the middle of that set of circuits, could I prevent the fainting feeling by simply changing up the order?
The second time we did the class, I got stuck behind a small crowd coming out of the yoga room and I was a little worried about getting the right “start” position on the circuits. As I made my way out of the hot room, I saw Stacey – waiting, saving me a spot at the perfect place. I’m not even sure if we had talked about the theory of where to start. “You picked the perfect spot!” I told her. “I might not feel faint if I start here.”
“Yes, I know,” she said. “That’s why I picked it.”
Now, these classes are difficult enough without having to worry about someone else’s health challenges. And the fact that Stacey either remembered a conversation that I wasn’t even sure we’d had is the ultimate definition of friendship. For the record, it seemed to work. No faint feelings. And last night, starting in the same position, it worked again.
Interestingly enough, Stacey has determined that if she can do hot yoga first, and then circuit training, it helps her to have a better workout. Last night as we were doing squat jumps as a warm-up, one of the instructors asked me if I’d prefer yoga first or circuit first. “It doesn’t matter to me,” I said initially, trying to be agreeable, but then I realized that it does matter to me – because if I was doing circuit first, I wouldn’t be doing it with my friend. “Can I do what she’s doing?” I clarified and pointed to Stacey. Glad I did, too, because then we got to sweat it out together for the next hour.
Does it really, at the core of it, matter if the person on the yoga mat next to you is someone you know? Of course not. Your challenge is your challenge. And the truth is, I can’t even really see what the people next to me are even doing – they’re in my peripheral vision only.
But there is just something so wonderful about knowing that you are going through a journey together that can really make all of the difference. There’s something about knowing that Stacey, and now Meghan, will be at the studio with me, and that we can talk about it later and plan for the next class and grow together, that makes it all – the workouts, the friendships, the learning – come full circle.
That, and we can have back bend contests at Wade’s house.