On sidewalk etiquette

Last I checked, sidewalks were for pedestrians. Did I miss some new ordinance that makes them for things like trash cans and cars and scooters and bikes and toys?

As someone who actually uses the sidewalks for what they are intended, let me offer some suggestions/requests:

1. If you must put your trash bin on the sidewalk, please bundle it with all your recyclables so that I am only dodging one group of obstacles instead of several. I would prefer you use the curb, but I’m willing to compromise if you are.

2. If you are not hosting a party, and you only have your two cars in your driveway, and your garage is too full of stuff (you hoarder, you) to park in the garage, then at least pull your car up so that your hitch and your SUV’s back tires are not where my feet are supposed to be. There is no need to have an extra 4 feet between your front bumper and your garage door. You do not own the sidewalk.

3. In other you-do-not-own-the-sidewalk news, can I mention the sidewalk is not a toybox? I do not like tripping over skateboard ramps and tricycles and lacrosse poles and whatever else your kids decided to leave outside. I’ve been tempted to a) kick said items, which I haven’t done because I don’t wish to injure myself, or b) take said items, using the finders-keepers rule, which I haven’t done because I am nice.

4. Sidewalks are not for dog poop. If your dog poops on the sidewalk, please please please clean it up. And on that note, why do you let your dog poop on the sidewalk in the suburbs when there’s tons of grass around? Come on.

In return, I promise the following:

1. I will not leave my trash in your yard, or my recyclables. Not my energy gel wrappers, bottles, spit, snot, or anything else runners are known to do. (And for the record, I’m not a spitter. For the record.)

2. I will not complain if, in fact, you are hosting a party and temporarily need sidewalk space to fit all the cars. This I will be ok with, albeit very nervous as I weave around cars and hope not to get hit by a moving one.

3. I will not leave my bike in your yard, or anything else that belongs to me. If I do, you are welcome to take it inside your house and enjoy your new loot.

4. I will not let my dogs poop in your yard, and if an emergency should occur on their part, I will certainly clean it up.

P.S. I’m not really as angry as this sounds. I just think, in our driving society, some of us may have forgotten the purpose of the sidewalk.

P.S. I don’t actually know of any runners who are rude enough to leave things like energy gel wrappers in someone’s yard. I am just pointing out that I would not do that.