Comments on: Would someone explain casual sex to me, please?

By: Lump of coal just what’s needed to light the fire | Melissa, Oh?

Lump of coal just what’s needed to light the fire | Melissa, Oh? — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 16:09:05 +0000

[...] 2009, thank you for always reading and joining the conversation, whether the topic was naughty or nice, spicy or sweet, healthy or [...]

By: Casual sex the morning after | Melissa, Oh?

Casual sex the morning after | Melissa, Oh? — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 16:07:21 +0000

[...] wrote a blog post yesterday about casual sex, asking why people do it. I knew I was walking a fine line when I [...]

By: Dan

Dan — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 01:21:27 +0000

I suspect it breaks into those who have deep emotional ties to sex and those that have their emotions and sex in separate boxes. I'm one where the emotional tie must be there first, but I have a friend that is the other way. It can be amusing to discuss the matter since our views are so diametrically opposite. Last blog post from Dan - Writer's Wednesday

By: Heather

Heather — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 23:35:58 +0000

At this point, I guess I feel the need to say, while I don't understand it, if it works for someone else, who am I to say them nay as long as we're talking about consenting adults (who are in full awareness of just what all they're consenting to)? I just know I'm the kind of person who doesn't even really have casual friendships - we get to be friends, and it doesn't really matter if we connected in second grade or standing in line at the bookstore last week... The point is, if I'm like that with people who don't see me naked, I know better than to think I could sleep with someone and not be incredibly screwed up over it if it was just physical for him. Last blog post from Heather - Belated Early Birthday Tidings

By: Elwood

Elwood — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 23:07:26 +0000

Ashley's right. Life will kill you eventually. Be smart, be safe, but have fun. Last blog post from Elwood - Im in ur hardt, clogen ur arturys.

By: Ashley

Ashley — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 22:03:35 +0000

I agree with Scath. Using the word ‘justification’ makes it seem like having justification is needed.

I’ve never had casual sex, but I don’t think it’s wrong. I do however think some people are stupid about it, but that’s their decision.

I’m pretty much a “live and let live” kind of person. I can see why people would want to have casual sex, but I’ve never had that desire myself, so I don’t. But the point is, sex feels good, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to have that feeling without being in a committed relationship, as long as both parties are consenting.

I guess it can be compared to alcohol or drinking. Getting drunk has risks, sure. But people like getting together and having a few drinks. Being intoxicated can be fun. I’ve had great bonding experiences with my friends and awesome stories from times I’ve been drunk. I’ve also had some bad times when I’ve gotten sick or was just miserable. But do I have to justify why I like drinking? It’s fun in moderation. Doesn’t mean people that don’t drink are wrong or goody-goody, and it doesn’t mean I’m immoral or a bad person. It feels good, I enjoy it, and as long as I’m safe, don’t drive, and can function otherwise, why is it a problem?

And frankly, everything is risky nowadays. Every time you drink coffee, use artificial sweetener, eat fast food, use prescription drugs, or smoke, you’re taking a risk. Yes, it’s a small risk, but if proper precautions are taken when having sex, the risk of getting pregnant or infected is also pretty small. You can get an STD or an unwanted pregnancy while within a committed relationship as well, y’know.

By: Scath

Scath — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 20:14:39 +0000

Using the word ‘justification’ implies those who do or have partaken of casual sex are wrong to have done so. Not trying to pick a fight, just explain how the ‘tone’ of that word can be taken. =)

Discussion’s a much better word.

I never thought of casual sex as a risky business, aside from the subjects of STDs or pregnancy (late ’80s, early ’90s when I was participating in such antics). It was outlet for experimentation, yes, but I never thought of it as practice, either.

Casual sex was just a brief, fun interaction with someone I found attractive. Or usually fun (sometimes it wasn’t worth the waste of a condom).

No guilt, no agonizing over whether to call or if he’d call, because I certainly didn’t want to be trapped in a relationship back then. I wanted to have fun and figure out what I wanted in life.

Turns out it was a monogamous relationship and kiddos, and I have that. Whether casual sex helped to settle me down so that I don’t view such a relationship as a ‘trap’ anymore, I couldn’t say for certain.

I’m sure it didn’t hurt any, though. =)

By: John Kusch

John Kusch — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 19:58:35 +0000

If we can use sexual experiences in a healthy way to learn about our own needs and about others’ needs, then casual sex really can be a positive learning experience. I’ve had some fantastic, enriching, rewarding casual sex, and I’ve had some absolutely awful, degrading casual sex. Then again, I’ve had good and bad sex in the context of a committed relationship, too. Risky sex isn’t a good thing per se, but in the sexual sphere, being able to take risks and be vulnerable in a sane way can be very much worth it.

By: Lindsey G.

Lindsey G. — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 19:35:02 +0000

Chris made a comment about how the argument seemed to be separated by men and women. I then made a JOKE about that comment. It was not an insult or sterotype to Melissa or anyone else so don't try to pin that on me. Last blog post from Lindsey G. - SELLING MY SOUL!!!! (aka We're buying a house!)

By: crisatunity

crisatunity — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 19:29:19 +0000

I didn’t get the part about equating a green light attitude on casual sex with “… see why men don’t get laid as much as they like and why women think men are jerks that are only after one thing…”

That sounds like a stereotype prison that has nothing to do with Melissa asking a question and getting some feedback.