Things may not be right with me and my heart right now, but today is good despite it.
I started my day eating right – 2009 is a year of renewed health for me. The past couple of months I’ve just been eating whatever I want, and that’s not working too well for that extra 10 pounds I wanted to lose. So, back to using Fit Day to help me out! I had a bowl of oatmeal this morning, then a protein shake for lunch. I feel good. I feel like I’m doing things right. And I went to the gym with Carissa this morning for arms and abs. And I’ll go back tonight with Jeff for cardio.
I’m trying to work on patience. Trying to find understanding that I can’t control others’ actions, only my reactions. That it’s OK to hurt, to mourn a loss of a friend, to feel empty. Not only is it OK, but it’s normal. I have tried to fight the feeling that this feels like a breakup in many senses, but I have learned it pretty much is a breakup. I keep holding onto the hope that we can work it out, that things can be fixed. That I can make a trip down there like I planned in a couple of weeks and all will be peachy. I’m living in a bit of a dream world here, trying not to dwell, but still not understanding why things had to be so final. Friendships like ours don’t just end. Laugh at my naivety if you want, but I have a good feeling about this. Somehow.
In the good news department, I got free chocolates from the lady at the coffee shop the other day when I was upset. And the barista at Starbucks gave me a free coffee last night – for no reason (I don’t even think I looked upset!) I’ve been moping around for days, and my friends are all very supportive and (I don’t think) even sick of me yet. And the gym does wonders to boost my spirits.