“Please don’t take this the wrong way, but in an extreme friendship not-if-you-were-the-last-girl-on-Earth kind of way, I think you are sort of pretty. Platonically pretty.”
Is there a double standard when it comes to how women are allowed to flirt vs. how men are allowed to flirt? I say yes. I think women can get away with waaaay more than men.
“Why thank you. I think you’re hot, too. And sexy, while we’re on the subject.”
In my personal experience: Men are very cautious when it comes to how they will broach any delicate subject a woman could take the wrong way. They’re scared to feed us certain compliments because they don’t want us to get offended. They choose their words very carefully and deliberately, knowing what sensitive creatures we are … Is this because of how we respond to them? Has society taught us to be too careful because people are constantly offended regarding one thing or another?
I’m not talking about pursuing someone with the intentions of dating him or her. I’m talking about two people who have a friendship and one wants to compliment the other. Women do it all the time to each other: I love your hair. You look skinny today. I wish I had your boobs. Maybe that’s why it’s second nature for me to compliment a male friend.
But, on the other side of the coin: What happens when a man doesn’t have the right filters? What happens when he thinks he should say something just because he would like it if a woman said it to him? Do some men not understand the difference between I think you’re sexy and I want to have sex with you? Or do women read too much into a basic compliment and assume if a man says she has nice eyes that means he wants to sleep with her? Maybe a little bit of both?
Men assume too much too, though. I have a friend who was flirting back and forth with a male admirer. Then one day she asked him out for drinks … and never heard from him again. Recently they ran into each other and she asked him about it. He muttered something about not wanting a relationship, so she had to set the record straight: I wanted to go to a bar and drink beer with you, not get married and have a white picket fence and some kids.
Oh, he said, perhaps a little embarassed? Then let’s go to the bar and drink beer.
I think we could all use a little more love in our lives. We could all benefit from being complimented. So guys, don’t be afraid to tell us you think we’re hot stuff, in a super-platonic sort of way of course … Hopefully we won’t take offense. If we do, I blame PMS.
Comments
11 responses to “Let’s talk about flirting.”
I’ll let this speak for me… 🙂
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFWGOKuFyjk&feature=related
Last blog post from muttmutt – Stars
Here’s part 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuSyX2d1tbY&feature=related
Last blog post from muttmutt – Stars
Maybe our first attempts are to be flirty, but when we determine she’s not interested we fall back on the remaining platonics. Strip away everything though and men are supposed to be attracted to women and visa versa (in normal circumstances) by following just the rules of nature and reproduction, and by going with that logic technically it’s not wrong to flirty with anyone. Society however, has its own rules which we must follow and society says it is wrong. Guess this could go back to ethics… a whole other discussion in and of itself. Whew.
Last blog post from Chris – Git on that bangwagin’
Also, you have some ultra conservative individuals who think it’s pretty much wrong to do just about anything fun 😉
Last blog post from Chris – Git on that bangwagin’
I went to the same place muttmutt did. 4 times out of 5 I walk up to a woman, known or unknown, and say, “I really like your boobs” I’m getting stilettoed in the jimmy. And I know a lot of women with fabulous front ends.
You, Melissa, are a sexy beast. Work it!
Last blog post from Elwood – Desert Island Discs
Point 1: I took an entire class on this in college (called Language & Gender). I’ll have to see if I can find some of the required reading to send you, because it was all great stuff.
Point 2: We may not be from different planets, but our brains are hardwired differently. I think the key is being willing to ask for and give clarification without making a big deal out of it. My best male friend and I have had to go so far as to have a serious conversation about where the line is and what constitutes crossing it, while we each reserve the right to reopen the discussion if it needs ammended. That’s a lot of work, yeah, and I probably would not be willing to do it with every single guy I meet, but I do try to not get offended if a guy misreads something I said or did and asks “did you mean…?” Also, I try to recognize the difference between a sincere compliment and something more along the lines of a dirty old man staring at my ass.
Point 3: Tact, guys. Tact. There is a big difference between complimenting a woman’s figure and telling her she’s got a great rack. Unless you know her and have that kind of rapport, yeah, you’re gonna get what’s coming to you for just being rude. If you just met her, chances are she doesn’t want to discuss her anatomy with you anyway. Start with a general statement. “Wow!” is almost always a win.
Last blog post from Heather – Poetry Assignment: Door
A different perspective from my (male) coworker who just wandered into my office and saw your post on my screen:
You know what flirting is in Johnston County (we’re right on the line between Johnston/Wake Counties)? “Get in the truck!”
Ahh, chivalry.
Last blog post from Heather – Poetry Assignment: Door
Yes the game is so different for men who “get”(understand) women and boys that don’t. First off, being fun and friendly and going with the flow is so critical. Knowing what you want, standing up for what you want and finally getting what you want is paramount.
If any fun girl invites me out for drinks, I’m in! Of course she has to buy the 1st round and tell me the most exciting thing that has happened to her this last year. And in return I promise to introduce her as my bratting little sister to all the cool people that I meet that night. And if she is really cool, we’ll go on an adventure of pirates and distressed maidens stuck on a deserted island. Trust me, she’ll never forget that one!
So all the little boys’ who would like to know more about becomeing a man and to all the women who have a “boy” but would like a “man”. Send me a quick note and I’ll turn you onto the best information on “being a man”.
Dance King
ps. Melissa.. Ur a smokin hot dancer and make sure to tell all your single “godess” friends about the pirate adventures that await them in far off lands. I promise to only steal the first kiss.
pps. If someone gets pissed off or offended by this, please keep it to yourself because I really don’t give a crap! Thx
Whew. That was funny.
Last blog post from Chris – In Seattle!
I love to flirt. My wife loves to flirt. Life is too damn short. However at work I don’t flirt, don’t want to be flirted with. Women at work flirt to get out of doing work. There, I said it. I can’t take it back.
Hey there, sexy! (hope you are not PMSing)
Last blog post from BusyDad – Anatomy of a Lurker: A Guest Post