When jealousy gets in the way

Jealousy is like the scheming cousin you say you’re not going to listen to because he always gets you in trouble, but then he comes up with a new scheme (let’s put the treadmill as fast as it will go and then see if you can run on it) and it sounds like a good idea at the time (but when you hit the ground running, sometimes the only way to stop is to fall down. It’s a painful lesson.)

Jealousy is the reason I hate the song “Lady in Red” (exboyfriend from high school took new girlfriend to prom and she wore red. He requested that song and to this day it makes me want to make an inappropriate 17-year-old face when I hear it.).

Jealous is something I always say that I’m not … until I am. I am not a jealous person when I feel confident and secure in my position and relationship with you. And if I am not confident and secure, then … well, then I am jealous of anyone else who might be taking what I see as my place with you. This goes for lovers, friends, even family and coworkers sometimes (not that I have coworkers anymore; one reason for you to be jealous of me!)

Jealousy doesn’t go away because you tell it to. In fact, the more you ask it to leave the more it wants to hang around.

It’s the reason we fight so hard for what we believe is ours. It can be why we allow others to kick us while we’re down.

It’s why we bite our nails, twirl our hair and call our best friends at 3 a.m. when we can’t sleep because we’re crying too hard.

What’s redeeming about it? Sigh. When I figure it out, I’ll tell you.

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It’s empowering to find out what you can endure. It’s even better to learn what you won’t.